“I think Steven Tyler from Aerosmith.”
“No, Axl Rose. Way better.”
“How about the guy from AC/DC? I think he’d make a good powwow singer.”
“He’d blow out what’s left of his voice.”
The four boys sat on dirt, attempting to stare through the shadow blanketing them as a light wind blew through the desert, reassuring them of life, that they were still human in what seemed like total blackness.
“I can’t see nothing out here. Why’s it so dark?” One of the boys looked up at the sky, seeing the dotted lights of stars above but finding no moon.
“Which one?”
“What?”
“Which guy from AC/DC? Bon Scott or Brian?”
“I don’t know; the cool one.”
“Well, that don’t answer my question. But Brian is what all powwow singers eventually sound like. You ever hear him talk?”
The boys nodded in agreement as silence once again fell on them. They all stared eastward at the dark blue light that began to radiate from the horizon in the distance, signaling the sun’s arrival.
“How much longer do we have to wait?”
“Look, the sun’s starting to come up already. You’ve been complaining the whole time we walked out here.”
“Well, if you brought extra batteries for the flashlight, we wouldn’t be sitting in the dark all night.”
“Shut up. Just use your phones.”
“I didn’t bring mine.”
“Me neither.”
“I’m saving my battery in case of emergency.”
“What emergency. We’re in the middle of nowhere, and you don’t even have service out here.”
The air stilled and the accusations died down with it. Dirt shuffled underneath the boys as they fidgeted, impatience building up in all of them manifesting as unspent energy. The darkness of the early morning made the vast desert surrounding them feel claustrophobic.
“What are we doing out here again?”
“We’re chasing the sun?”
“That’s what you’ve been saying, but I don’t know what that means.”
“Listen, dumbass, when the sun starts rising we’re going to chase it.”
“Yeah, but I still don’t understand why.”
“My grandma says we do it to pray.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I don’t know, but she says it’ll be good for us.”
“Yeah, ok.”
“My grandma’s never been up earlier than noon.”
“That’s cause your grandma’s in the casino til midnight flirting with the bingo caller trying to get better calls.”
“I wish my grandma was still alive.”
“Damn, why do you always make every conversation worse?”
“I’ve still got twelve grandmas. They’re all bossy.”
“I’ve lost track of how many I got. Every time I go home to my rez I meet new ones.”
The dark blue on the horizon grew larger and more purple as one of the boys stood up and started throwing pebbles at the dimly lit landscape in front of them.
“You think Bigfoot’s out here?”
“No, just some Skinwalkers.”
“Shut up! Don’t mention them.”
“Bigfoot needs trees. There’s nothing taller than tumbleweeds and Navajos out here.”
“Hey, just ‘cause you’re a giant don’t mean you’re anything special. You plains Indi’ns have a superiority complex. If a hunter came wandering by, he’d shoot you thinking you were Bigfoot.”
“I can’t tell who said that because you all sound the same.”
“I wish this sun would hurry up.”
“We’ve spent, like, at least two hours walking just to get here. Why couldn’t we have chased the sun at my house?”
“Cause this is better. Out in the open. More Indi’n like.”
“It’s cause he doesn’t want anyone seeing his boobs jiggle as he runs.”
Three of the boys sitting on the ground laughed in unison while the other blushed, turning a deep purple like the sky before them.
“Sun’s coming soon.”
“So, when do we start running?”
“I don’t know. I guess when we see the sun.”
All four boys stood up. The smaller one started stretching, the sound of sand, rocks, and rubber soles all grinding together rose as he tried to balance on one foot while holding his other leg bent behind him. None of the boys said anything. The others didn’t stretch.
“The sun will come fast.”
“I’m going to get a head start,” the smallest one said as he started running.
“No, dipshit, you have to wait.”
“Why?” another asked.
“I don’t know.”
With the emerging brightness of the sky filling the desert and revealing a detailed landscape before them, three boys saw the fourth, smaller one begin to tumble as he ran down the small embankment they stood on, then lay splayed on the ground motionless. A short cry of pain echoed across the desert up to their ears.
“Oh shit, he just got laid out.”
“Probably hit a rock or something.”
“He’s not moving, should we check on him?”
“You do it. I’m watching the sun.”
The boys hadn’t noticed how quickly light was approaching. The sky lightened even more as a sliver of orange creased over the horizon.
“There it is. Let’s go.”
The rest of the boys began running, quickly passing the smaller one who was struggling to get up from the ground.
“Guys, I think I twisted my ankle.” The words approached the three running but was passed by quickly, left to float back to the one they came from as no one stopped to acknowledge him. The three just kept running, not knowing what they were supposed to do other than chase the sun.
Another of the boys slowed down, holding his side, while two kept up their pursuit.
The sun blazed upwards at too quick a pace for the boys. Heavy breathing and wheezing from both of the remaining runners made the empty desert sound like a bustling city street. Their feet plodded along the crevices of wash, small cacti, and knee high bushes as they ran, adding to the chaotic sounds of their running.
“To hell with this,” another stopped, bent over, hands on knees, fighting for breath. “I’m going home.”
The last runner, the outsider, the gatecrasher, the foreigner to the Navajo Nation, kept going. Completely out of breath and feeling nauseous, not knowing why he needed this, but knowing it would help somehow. He kept running straight towards the sun, chasing it as though there was meaning in catching it.
Memories of a friend began to flood his mind; a friend to all of them. But more than a friend. Closer. A brother, lost to the darkness, concealing his pain until it was unbearable, moving on from this life too early in a bid to escape and see what else was out there for him. That one; the brother who hid everything from them until it was too late.
The final runner kept going, staring directly at the sun that was now almost fully risen. What was a slightly fast jog turned into a sprint that didn’t last long as he fell to his knees and threw up, adding a different color to the desert floor. He sat on his knees and stared at the vomit that began seeping into the colluvium before him, not fighting against but joining with it. He looked up at the sun that had now fully risen and let tears stream down his face.
“Why,” he cried out, allowing the loss and weakness that he felt to overflow in that moment as he sat alone, breathing heavily, tears stifling his breath.
Light filled the whole desert now. His head felt light as the day so he laid down on his side, his breath blowing desert detritus around in small puffs.
He remembered the time he first met the boys he was with. The time in the school playground that, as a new student and new to the Navajo Nation, arriving from the northern plains like an alien in a UFO that resembled a barely functioning Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, forming a new family with a new stepfather, not knowing what to do or even what to feel, he found a pack of boys as wild as the dogs that roamed the streets and immediately joined their clique.
These were his friends. These were his brothers. Now, with one of them having left, he didn’t know how to feel. He felt sick. He felt tired. But he knew that his run accomplished something. This prayer changed him, helped him.
He stood up and turned around. He wasn’t far from the hill where the four of them sat for hours waiting for the sun to come up, after not sleeping at all the night before, the night after the burial. He could see two of the three boys walking towards the hill. The smaller one was missing, probably still on the ground where he first fell. Waiting for help.
He began to walk towards them, legs wobbling, chest aching, but stopped to turn and stare upwards at the sky, seeing hope in its vivid colors radiating across the land. Everything was brighter now. Everything was clearer now that the initial sun-burned-light in his eyes dissipated, having embedded itself in each eye from staring directly at the sun, reckless but healing. He felt better. Didn’t understand why or how. He just knew he felt better.
He turned and began walking back toward his brothers. He knew he’d have to corral them and they’d have to figure out how to get the smallest one home, carrying in turns over the miles to his house, or carrying in tandem, laughing at him and each other along the way. Together, like it was always supposed to be.